Wiccan humor

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=168 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF" background="37ccdb13.jpg"> <div> Assorted delightful bits and peices for those in the know about Wicca!</div> <bR> <div> Humor is meant as HUMOR, and is not meant to offend any kind of Pagan.</div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#99CC00" FACE="Arial" ><B>Final Fantasy Genesis</B></FONT>     <FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#CCCC66" FACE="Arial" >|   <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Final Fantasy Genesis"><U><B>home</B></U></A></FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="id75.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Wicca"><U>Wicca</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id77.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ritual Tools"><U>Ritual Tools</U></A>   |   <B>Wiccan humor</B>   |   <A HREF="id83.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Book of Shadows"><U>Book of Shadows</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id85.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Pentacle"><U>The Pentacle</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id86.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Tool Construction"><U>Tool Construction</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id87.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Incense"><U>Incense</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id89.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Trees"><U>Trees</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id90.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Resins"><U>Resins</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id91.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Witches Rune"><U>The Witches' Rune</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id92.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Wiccan Rede"><U>The Wiccan Rede</U></A></div> <div> <IMG SRC="2bdf4010.gif" border=0 width="500" height="1" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> Wiccan humor</div> <div> <U>Ten reasons why Wiccans don't worship Satan!</U></div> <bR> <div> 10. Scorch marks on the furniture whenever Satan manifests.</div> <div> 9. Not even Lysol can mask the smell of brimstone.</div> <div> 8. Hard to keep the flaming goat skulls lit.</div> <div> 7. Decreased availability of blonde virgins.</div> <div> 6. Blood stains from the sacrifices are *impossible* to get out of the carpet.</div> <div> 5. Wailing of the damned souls in Hell keeps the neighbors awake.</div> <div> 4. The cats keep attacking Satan's tail, which annoys him.</div> <div> 3. Repeated stooping motions for administering the "Kiss of Shame" difficult on the coven members with bad backs.</div> <div> 2. Demons smell even worse than brimstone.</div> <div> And the number one reason....</div> <div> 1. It's impossible to worship something that doesn't exist!</div> <bR> <div> <U>How many WIccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?</U></div> <bR> <div> How many Dianic Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb? None! That's a PHALLIC SYMBOL you testosterone-inflated jerk!</div> <bR> <div> How many Gardnerian Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb? That's a Third-level secret...INITIATE!</div> <bR> <div> How many Alexandrian Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know...let's go see how the Gardnerians do it!</div> <bR> <div> How many Ecclectic Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb? I'd much rather change it my own way, thank you!</div> <bR> <div> How many Faeries does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but they have to be small enough to fit inside.</div> <bR> <div> How many Solitary Wiccans does it take to change a lightbulb? One.</div> <bR> <div> <U>Field Guide to Modern Pagans</U></div> <bR> <div> <U>Bright-Eyed Novice</U>: Just heard about this great religion where they worship a Goddess AND a God, and sex isn't evil, and wants to know where to sign up.</div> <div> <U>Distinguishing signs</U>: Shiny new athame, mispronounces God/Dess names, mixes up widdershins and deosil.</div> <bR> <div> <U>Fundamentapagan</U>: If it's written in a book, it's true. If it's in a really old book, it's really true. If it's in an old book written by a famous Pagan than it's really, really, really true!</div> <div> <U>DIstinguishing signs</U>: Huge book collection, can quote Gardner by heart. Holds Gardner's ideas as law.</div> <bR> <div> <U>Feminazi Gynocrat</U>: No wands in her chalice, thank you. A man's shadow fell across her altar and she spent 3 weeks purifying it.</div> <div> <U>Distinguishing signs</U>: No statue symbolising the God. Stops talking and stares when a man walks by.</div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>